10.21
Colin,
I know you are honestly upset by everything that is going on. Please control your anger and your temper, you are saying things and doing things that you will be embarassed about later. Your mother’s divorce doesn’t have to destroy the entire family – though she seems determined to do as much damage as she can.
You sincerely owe Grandma Joan a heartfelt apology for your statements to her and the disrespect you showed to her. This should happen face-to-face and soon. You knew she was in the house yesterday and you made no attempt to walk around to say hello. She was crying yesterday when all she could think of was if that was going to be her last memory of you shouting angrily at her through a window.
The divorce is not something anyone is enjoying, least of all our family – the four of us. You have implied that you have known all along that your mom was planning this. For your mother to burden you with keeping the secret for months is horribly unfair to you and totally inappropriate. She knows that, she was told that she shared too much with you when we were in marriage counseling. Bear in mind that it took the rest of us quite by surprise and we haven’t had the time to prepare as your mother has done.
The divorce is strictly a matter which is between your mother and myself. Her involvement of you directly and indirectly is so horribly unfair to you. No one likes to hear they have been used or lied to. She has put you in a position where you have to lie to me, and maintain secrets. I know it is easier to stay away and protect the lies and secrets by being angry and staying away. I understand what you are going through. I sincerely understand your situation. I’m so sorry your mom has put you in this position.
Last night when I came back from riding a bike while juggling footballs and basketballs, I heard from Aunt Joanne about your calls. Again, Colin show a little respect. Just as I demonstrated respect for Aunt Barb and the Weideman’s and Brassell’s. There was no battle to be fought yesterday – it was delivery on a contract not a negotiation. My disappointment at not seeing Brennan had me dig my heels in and follow the letter of the agreement. While I am not very inclined to do any favors for your mother after all she has done to attack and destroy the family this year, I’ll always be here for you and your brother.
The Football and Basketball. I asked you to put them back in the garage was because yesterday was not about your ‘stuff’. It was not about you getting your things from the house. It was not about Brennan getting his things from the house. Your mother used the excuse that she needed to get in the house to get her things when she went to the police in August and raided the house. She completely ignored a reasonable agreement arranged with our lawyers regarding how that would happen and decided to create drama. The only items taken from the house that night were yours and Brennan’s. She is attempting to make it appear that I am divorcing you and your brother, when she is divorcing me. This is all her doing. So, on an occasion where she is removing her items from the house, I requested you not take anything.
When we talked as you packed for school, I told you to talk to me directly and I’ll tell you the truth about whatever you want to know. That offer still stands. Only one rule – show a little respect.
I miss both you and Brennan more than you will ever know or understand. I hope and pray that you will come around sometime soon and we can talk all of this out.
